I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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