idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found a bag of teeth...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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