There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
