i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
