Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.