I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.