Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!