Swine flu. Run for my life!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.