he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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