she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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