Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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