Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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