dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
