I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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