hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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