took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
