WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
