if you like me you must not know who I am
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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