At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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