I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
