I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
4 words: hood of his car
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
