New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
