part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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