I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize