I want you more than these girls want KFC
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
