Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
