I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I won the penis lottery.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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