wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
