its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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