You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
