6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
