life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
