on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
