Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
