Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
