Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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