Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
