You're so nebulous sometimes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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