you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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