you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I want a musical about memes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
