i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You don't know the capacity of my vagina