I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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