I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
