So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
