I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
