so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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