This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
