Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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