I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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