I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.