imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.