You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.