Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was