ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost the right to judge tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems