So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.