do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress