Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?