Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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