i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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